This system has been overhauled - all its major weaknesses have
been exposed, analysed and replaced with new ones.

 Hardware, that part of a computer which can be kicked.
If you can only swear at it, it is software.

Access Denied. na na Nah na na!

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

 File not found...should I fake it.. Y/N?

 Screw the bran diet - become a programmer!

 Why did the chicken cross the road? To return her mains adaptor.
Why did she do that? Because she was a battery hen.

 Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind.
Both are blank. - the Zen way of computers

 THINK - it gives you something to do while the computer is down.

 Q - What is wrong with my computer? It keeps giving me the message
'What's up Doc? What's up Doc?'
A - Looks like you've got Bugs in your system.

 File SENILE.COM found ... Out of memory

 File CONGRESS.SYS corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)?

 User Error: Hit Anybody To Continue.

 The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most
experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in.
We're computer experts. We cause accidents.

 Spel chekers, hoo neeeds 'em?

 Multi-tasking; screwing up several projects at once.

 How do I set my laser printer on stun?

 "How many spells could a spell check check if a spell
check could check spells?"

 What exactly do people mean when they say their computer
'went down' on them?

At a recent computer software engineering course in the US, the
participants were given an awkward question to answer.

"If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team
of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software,
how many of you would disembark immediately?"

Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat
motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that
he would be quite content to stay on board. With his team's
software, he reasoned, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as
far as the runway, let alone take off.

 I have a spilling checker, / It came with my PC;
It plainly marks four my revue / Mistakes I cannot sea.
I've run this poem threw it, / I'm sure your please too no,
Its letter perfect in it's weigh, / My checker tolled me sew.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

< < <
 How many software experts does it take to change a light bulb?
... None. That is a hardware problem.

Applying computer technology is simply finding the right
wrench to pound in the correct screw.

An expensive circuit protected by a fast acting fuse will protect
the fuse by blowing first.

 On a clear disc you can seek forever.

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