.Lord Of The Rings
Two Towers Drinking Game.
By Fire Frog.
Take a 1litre bottle of water into the theatre with you to watch the movie. Have a sip every time -
The camera scans over the top of steep landscape, making you 1) feel like a bird or 2) feel sick as a dog.
Sip for every new phallic symbol as it first shows up.
Sip when Gandalf and the Balrog hold hands.
You witness the homing sword in action(as it returns to its owner. Handy for stabbing monsters and rabble rousing, too.)
You see the Burning Eye.
Anytime someone does a bit of rock climbing.
When the Hobbits and Gollum do some tag team wrestling.
You spot some plot that wasn't in the book.
Hobbits go for a piggyback ride.
Human, Dwarf and Elf try their luck at cross country running.
Horsemen play 'ring-a-roses' while Our Heroes feel like 'Piggy in the Middle'.
Incredibly well trained horses stand still while their stable mates take off(how'd they get 'em to do that!?).
Uruk-Hai head onna stick!
Legolas says a prayer for someone who isn't...um, quite dead yet. Again.
Merry and Pippin play hide and seek in Fangorn Forrest.
The moving blood spot that switches from Merry's head wound to Pippins cheek, then back again. Sip for every time they swap.
Pippin advises against talking to the trees.
Gollum starts to sound like Yoda.
The dead eyes open!
Frodo goes for a quick swim.
Ring fondling occurs.
Frodo and Sam hold hands.
Sip every time someone cries.
Gandalf shows up with new threads and, considering the ruggedness of his hands, nicely buffed and manicured finger nails.
You spot the odd marking that Shadowfax, the horse that will suffer no saddle or bridle, has on his chest - that looks suspiciously like a ring chestplate rub.
Sip each time you see that Gandalf is fearlessly using just a monkey strap instead of a bridle! Woo, go Gandalf!
Bad guys are shown to wear eyeliner. And Bunny Ears.
Gandalf and Legolas link arms as they walk down the aisle. Then they don't. Then they do. Don't.
Err, just sip for every editing slip in Rohan(go back to Grima's initial scene for the first one.)
Sip when Saruman gives the game away by refusing to disguise his lovely long nails(and why should he!)
Every time Arwen talks to Aragorn in his sleep.
When pendant fondling occurs.
Sip every time someone gets kissed.
Legolas stares intently into the middle distance.
Sam and Gollum discuss culinary preferences.
You see an Oliphant!
Elf swings up and into the cantering horse's saddle magic moment.
Everybody jumps on the Dwarf comedic moment.
Aragorn goes grass skiing the hard way, on his back.
Legolas learns his lesson and 'doesn't' say a prayer over a presumed dead comrade.
Samwise Gamgee reveals himself to be...a gardener!
Humans play 'Pass the Hobbit'.
Faramir and Frodo play Truth or Dare at the Forbidden Pool.
Some one in the audience says "As if!" when a well-trained warhorse does a perfectly legitimate cavalry manoeuvre(i.e. kneels down to pick a wounded Aragorn up.)
Theoden, King of Rohan, tempts fate.
Every time Gimli delivers a low blow. (owch)
Legolas fails to stop the Orc Olympic flame carrier.
Snow boarding elf(minus snow).
Dwarf ariel attack.
Elf synchronised archery.
Twenty. For each of them.
Gimli and Aragorn hold hands.
Extra(elf archer) gets smacked in the eye with a quiver of arrows.
Merry sees the big picture(big speech from a little man).
Pippin gets tricky(big results from a little idea).
Ents play orc football, orc bowling and orc hopscotch.
Sam gives 'Gone With The Wind' speech.
Massed re-enactment of famous 'Man from Snowy River' scene.
The chain the One Ring is on shrinks or lengthens, yet again. Those elves sure sold Frodo one crap piece of jewellery! That cloak pin they gave Pippin was pretty flimsy too, and even Aragorn's love token chain snapped like string. Yet elfin swords can cut stone and their mithril chainmail stops arrows. Go figure.
Now, the object of the game is to drink well and sit through the entire movie without going to the toilet. If you succeed in this - you my friend have a bladder that legends are made of! We salute you!
For fun and extra credits, try saying these lines along with the actors from the movie!
"Gandalf didn't mean for a lot of things to happen - but they did." - Frodo, to Sam.
"The ring is treacherous - it will hold you to its word..." - Frodo to Gollum/Smeagol.
"Not idly do the leaves of Lothlorien fall." - Aragorn, finding Pippins broach.
"I'm wasted on cross country; Dwarves are natural sprinters. We're very dangerous; over short distances...***...Keep breathing, that's the key. Breath..."
"Meats back on the menu, boys!" - Uruk-Hai leader.
"What are you, his body guard?" - Faramir.
"I'm his gardener!" - Samwise Gamgee.
"Its talking Merry...the tree is talking...***...Don't talk to it, Merry...don't encourage it!" - Pippin.
"Hoom, the Entmoot has agreed...you're not orc's..." - Treebeard.
"Don't take it to him, he wants it! Always he wants it, and the precious wants to go back to him..." - Gollum.
"Nasty Hobbitses, we hates them forever!" - Gollum.
"The women of Rohan learned long ago that those without a sword can still die by it." - Princess Eowyn
"Why?" - Sam.
"Because I have to believe he can come back." - Frodo.
"You can't save him, Mr Frodo..." - Sam, about Gollum.
"The Ring has taken me, Sam. If I put it on he'll find me, he'll see..." - Frodo.
"...a chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his quality..." - Faramir to Frodo.
"Please, its such a burden. Will you not help him?" - Sam to Faramir.
in Elvish "You're late." in common "You look terrible!" - Legolas to Aragorn.
"Is this all you can conjure, Saruman?" - Theoden.(BOOM)
"We can take 'em!" - Gimli to Aragorn.
"For Death and Glory!" - Theoden.
"For Rohan! For your people." - Aragorn.
"Foul deeds awake! Now for wrath, now for ruin and the red dawn..." - Theoden, King of Rohan.
"Its me, your Sam. Don't you know your Sam?" - Samwise Gamgee to a sword wielding Frodo.
"All our hopes now lay with two little Hobbits somewhere out in the wilderness..." - Gandalf the White.
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