Big Girls do whine, and drool, and slobber....
How do you know when you've got Big Girls?
©Your favourite party trick is to put your head in one of their mouths.
©You take a tape measure with you when buying a new car.
©Their snoring keeps you awake, and they sleep on the other side of the house.
©They can hide entire dead goannas in their mouths.
Roadside Goanna Is Yummy!
©You keep a supply of spare bouncy balls to replace the ones that the kids next door knock over the fence. You have to then provide replacements as the balls are promptly popped with one bite from the Fire and Ice ball rescue squad.
©Your wallet gets too small for both sets of pictures, cats and dogs.
©The Ute rocks alarmingly at stop lights as the girls fight over the back seat.
©You've learnt to smile grimly when people say "Have you got saddles for them?" "I thought that was a pony!" "They should be pulling a cart!"
©When asked what you feed them you quip, "Anything they want!"
©Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, gazebo and private air pad.
©Bar-B-Q 's have been put off indefinitely due to the girl's habit of licking the hot plate, while the meat is still cooking.
©You walk your dogs and the scene from High Noon where everyone gathers up their children re-enacts itself.
©You wish someone would make a raw hide chew bone that would last longer than five minutes.
©You have considered x-rays after they trod on your foot.
©Your T-shirt has paw marks on the shoulders.
Firehas just finished licking a hundred stamps and sealing a hundred envelopes. She really wants to win that giant coke-a-cola beach ball!
©You use a wide mouth shovel as a pooper-scooper.
©Q - How much do they eat? A - How much do you weigh?
©The big mean dog in the next street over starts barking hysterically, when you turn the corner back into your own place.
©You think there's an earthquake, but it's only the girls picking up the bench you're sitting on with their teeth.
©You go to the vet's and get your own waiting room.
©In fact, they ask you to call ahead so they can clear a way into the building.
©Q- Have you fed them today? A - Why, are you missing a child?
©Your 50 kilo puppies don't understand why the other dogs bark at them and run away.
©The term 'lap dog' takes on a whole new, terrifying, meaning.
©You start eyeing small children when the Kibble shortage is on.
©You say, "Isn't he a cute little thing?" to people with Rottweilers.
©You warn the people you are visiting with not to let the girls sit on the lounge. While you are out they do anyway (She looks so cuuute!) and spend the rest of your stay sitting on the floor.
No, you have to get her off.
©There is this one trades man who always gives them his lunch in hopes of getting a pat. "Why will they only come up when you're here? Stupid dogs. I brought extra salami an everythink." Trades man loses weight, but still never gets his pat. Moral, big dogs make fools of us all.
©Your food bill comes to $104 and all you brought for yourself was a carton of milk.
©The sight of Sixty year old men clutching their little dogs to their chests no-longer worries/surprises/upsets you. When told their dogs have nothing to fear from the terrible two, they answer, "Bugger the dog, what about me?" anyway.
©You buy another fridge just for the dog food.
©Q - Do they bite? A - I've never seen them do it.
©Small, unknown children run up to them in the street and throw their arms around them, while in the back ground terrified adults make shooing motions.
©You find yourself consoling two 75-kilo dogs and reassuring them that the 5-kilo kitty didn't mean to hurt their feelings.
©You replace the Jumbo, X-tra Tuff dog hammocks once a month.
It wasn't me. I didn't do it. You can't prove anything!
©Straining to get at them, the feisty Chihuahua gives your girls what for. Suddenly his owner drops the lead, feisty little dog gives a look of horror, picks up the lead end and gives it back to them before continuing his verbal assault.
©They consider your car an excellent chew toy.
©They consider tin cans, tree branches, old cable holders, a telephone and rocks to also be good chew toys. (How they get hold of this stuff is a mystery, I certainly never give it to them. The phone especially worries me. I mean, who where they gonna call?)
©As guard dogs they are unique. It is quite likely they would beat an intruder unconscious with their wagging tails.
©Or drown them in slobber.
© Food is not safe on the table, or on top of the fridge. Or in your hand (look away once and it's gone). Small children and ice cream are fair game in their book. Oddly kids don't seem to mind sharing, so long as they can have alternate licks.
Some of these came fromhttp://www.ginnie.com/Danes.htm , and they have lots more 'oh! - my dog's do that!' stuff where these came from! Go check it out! They have some good 'indoor dog' ones, that I didn't use, as I am not silly enough to let these two inside!
And a snippet on the end -
Two guys sitting at a bar, chatting about dogs, and trying to out-do each other:
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