The Mushroom Ring.

By Fire Frog.

Last night he'd promised to tie the young quarter back to his chair if he didn't stay home and do some school work this weekend. Peter had smirked and quipped 'promises, promises', but he'd agreed to do it any way. Egon on the warpath was a fearsome sight, one that not even Peter Venkman - B.M.O.C. - cared to have to face down.

"Bad night?" he asked, concerned. Egon hadn't come home last night and they hadn't connected in any classes all day either. Ray didn't like it when Egon stayed overnight with one of his dates, it worried him.

"I am never dating another man as long as I live." Egon declared, dropping into their worn out lounge and scrabbling underneath it with one long arm. He eventually came up with a box, from which he took the makings of a roll-your-own joint and a lighter. He made the joint with unpracticed but meticulous care and lit the end, inhaling hard to gain the desired hit.

Ray stared at him owl eyed. This was not normal Spengler behavior. He hunted around for something to say and eventually went for the less inflammatory topic.

"Peter's going to be pissed you broke into his stash," he accused, though he kept his voice mild to hide his concern. Dragging his chair over besides the lounge he pulled it in close and sat on it backwards so he could look down into his friend's face. Egon had sprawled out on the lounge, eyes closed, head tilted back, mouth in a tight and unhappy line.

"Peter only keeps marijuana to impress his many dates with. He will not mind my taking this one joint." Egon replied, taking another drag and holding it in before blowing out a perfect smoke ring. Ray sighed with envy. Taking out his own packet of cigarettes he lit up and tried to blow a similar ring, with no success what-so-ever. Egon blew another and watched as it sped through the heart of the first.

"What's wrong?" Ray tried, inhaling some of the fragrant smoke from Egon's pot and blinking as it made his eyes water. Ray couldn't smoke the stuff, he was mildly allergic to it.

"I need to unwind." Came the stoic rejoinder.

"Uh, this mean you're gonna start growing those magic mushrooms again?" Ray asked curiously, watching as Egon blew another ring and skewered it again with a second. He murmured with annoyance as his own attempts to emulate the move resulted in a giant puff of formless smoke. Blast it.

"Negative, Raymond." Egon began pompously, then sighed and deflated a little as he thought about what he wanted to say. "Not after the unfortunate incident in which Sue Hannifin had her narcotics enhanced, bovine experience. I don't believe I shall ever try to cultivate hallucinogens again."

"But they weren't your mushrooms, were they?" Ray asked, surprised and a little distracted. Egon had a rip along one side of his collar. How had that happened?

"Not that I am aware of. I believe she grew them herself, but they could have been mine. We did supply the Club with half a dozen specimen to get involved with their society." Egon frowned to himself, hoping once more that it hadn't been his thallophytic plants that had caused Sue's unfortunate misadventure.

He looked up at Ray's curious face and worried that he might still want to keep growing the illegal fungi. Best to give him another reason to desist now and he knew one sure way to deter him.

"Besides," he added cunningly, "it was getting harder to keep their cultivation a secret from Peter. I would have hated to have him get it in his dimentine like cranium that they could be an easy form of money making."

Bad enough that he and Ray had used them to make inroads on the imperious members of the Chemistry Club. If it wasn't such a prestigious clique to belong to, and necessary if you had designs on using certain hard to get at pieces of laboratory equipment, he would never have devised the plan to begin with. He could only imagine what the fame and fortune chasing Venkman would have done with the much sort after fungus.

"He wouldn't do that." Ray defended Peter immediately. Egon crooked one eyebrow, blue eyes twinkling knowingly and Ray grimaced. "Well, okay, he might." Egon smiled to himself, he'd been right; Ray wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Peter's precarious grasp on 'the side of righteous good.' Raymond felt, as Egon did himself, that the poor guy had enough trouble fighting down his baser instincts as it was, no need to place temptation in his way.

They sat in silence for awhile, dragging on their respective smokes. At length Ray shook his head sadly "Poor Sue Hannifin. I hope she doesn't catch anything from eating the grass out on the sports field, it's pretty unhygienic. I wonder what it was like, thinking she was a cow. Could be the bases of some ancient lycanthropy legends, wish I could ask her what it was like. Do you think she'll be coming back to classes soon?"

"I do not anticipate that she will, Raymond. We are lucky to have escaped her fate."

"I guess." Ray took another drag on his cigarette and contemplated the ruin of their fellow chemistry student. The incident had not been pleasant, musings on possible links to ancient legends aside. The police had been called, as well as the paramedics. He exhaled a plume of smoke and imagined he could hear her mournful lowing and bellows of unhappiness still.

"You should give those things up, Raymond." Egon mentioned, eyes half lidded as he watched his auburn haired friend inhale. "One of my father's research groups has found several hidden indications of detrimental health factors."

"But it makes me look like James Dean." Ray said earnestly, flicking ash onto the carpet. Egon sighed. There was no use arguing about it, not when Peter had taken up the habit to impress others as well.

Not, indeed, his conscience reminded him, with the magic mushroom fiasco hovering over his own head. He was hardly a candidate for upstanding role model now, was he? How could he lecture Ray on such things when he had erred so vastly himself? Did any of it really matter, any way?

"Whatever," he agreed, waving a hand to indicate his disinterest.

Ray looked at him, noted the hooded eyelids, the boneless quality to his sprawl, the sudden disinterest in a topic he knew Egon held strong views on. He took all this as a sign that the marijuana was affecting his thought processes and decided to grill his friend on what was really bothering him.

"Um, why did you say you weren't going to date another man as long as you lived, Egon?" He looked down at his friend with wide, concerned eyes. Egon's coming out had been low-keyed but intensely emotional.

The physical changes he had made were startling, his avowed quest for consequence free love and comfort had kept Peter's nose in his psychology books for days afterwards. He had sort worriedly for possible disastrous outcomes. Peter even kept trying to get Egon to do therapy with him, until the taller man had stood him upside down in an umbrella stand for ten minutes. Bet even Peter didn't see this coming...

"Why have I forsaken men? Because they are too much trouble, Ray. I was expecting wild and hedonistic sex, what did I get? Nothing but marriage proposals." Egon turned to stare at his joint accusingly, as if he thought the burnt twist of paper and herbage had caused his unhappiness. "Females were bad enough. I'd go on a date and the woman I was with would be picking out the names for our first born child by the time dessert was served. How does Peter manage it?"

"Peter's motto is Find 'em, Fuck 'em and Forget 'em. Any girl going out with him already knows that." Ray told him softly. "You couldn't do that. Face it Egon," Ray reached over and stroked back an unruly strand of platinum blond hair, "you're a keeper."

"Well I won't have it!" Egon's voice became somewhat strident and whiney. The man really was feeling fed up by his lot in life. He'd gone to all the trouble of announcing himself as a homosexual, and once more his future plans proved unsuccessful. If he had to go back to the life his Father had mapped out for him he felt he'd rather lobotomise himself and save the world the trouble.

"I'm not ready to settle down yet. Men were supposed to be different. Sex without the emotional turmoil. I want a refund! The lifestyle did not live up to its hype! From here on in I'm dedicating myself to science. Celibacy beckons, Raymond. As of now I am no longer a homosexual." Egon took another toke, dragging heavily to get the larger smoke particles to interact with his blood stream.

"Does that mean you won't be wearing the pink shirts any more?" Ray asked, trying to keep the hope from showing in his voice. Egon's coming out had been quite a shock, not least of all to his room mates optic nerves.

"Hmm, no. I believe I shall keep the shirts, and the hairstyle. I quite like the red frames for my glasses, though these stove pipe trousers and the string tie will have to go. I hate having tight things around my waist and the tie is a bit of a passe fashion statement now-a-days anyway. I will have to call Murray and cancel the order for a poodle, as well."

"A poodle?" Ray blinked, giving Egon a curious sideways look.

"Indubitably, it is a requisite part of the gay life style. I was informed that I could be exempt from the poodle rule as I already have big hair, but I wanted to cover all my bases. Now I don't have to. It is something of a relief, actually." Egon stared into the middle distance, then became aware that his friend was still hovering over him. "Um, as one of my last acts as a gay man, Raymond, I'd like to recommend that you try a little Henna with your shampoo. It would bring out your red highlights and give life to your entire look."

"I have red highlights?" Ray asked, surprised.

"Oh yes. They are definitely there. And as I am disposing of my less cherished gay possessions, would you like the leopard print faux fur bean bag, as well?"

"Would I! Yeah, that is, if you are sure..."

"Oh yes. Yes indeed." Egon's expression turned darker, he pursed his lips in remembered distress. "My date last night turned out to be quite possessive, as well as extremely minimalist in the genital department. Jacky Ho tried to entice me into living with him, and it was only the first intimate encounter we had had. It was the last straw. I am not dating men again." Egon threw a hand melodramatically over his eyes. "They are all swine."

"Egon, he...did he try to make you stay, with force?" Ray suddenly gulped as his eyes riveted to a purple bruise showing from under a pink cuff.

"A little." Egon growled acknowledgement, drawing angrily upon his rapidly vanishing joint. "But I managed to turn the tables on him. He backed off, and unless he is more mentally challenged than I supposed, he won't be bothering me again. But this isn't the first time this sort of incident has occurred and I'm just not interested in it happening again. I'm through, officially back in the closet and there I intend to remain."

"Did he hurt you?" Ray let the rest of Egon's speech flow over him, concentrating on what was important. He got up from his chair and moved to Egon's side, reaching out a hesitant hand to run it gently down the other man's ribs.

"There are a few bruises on my wrists, Ray. I promise you, nothing more." Egon's eyes felt heavy and all at once he felt weary. The drug was doing its work, taking the edge from his anger and outrage. He didn't care any more. It was all un-important.

/I'll kill him. Peter will kill him./ Ray thought, his lips tightening as he let out a fierce hiss. Reaching over he captured one of his friends languid hands and lifted it to roll the shirt cuff down, then looked grimly at the marks he found there. They were dark and angry looking. The corners of Ray's usually genial mouth turned downwards. He wouldn't let anyone get away with doing this. He'd go and pay this guy a visit and if he ever went near his friend again, Mr. Jacky Ho was a dead man!

"Mmm." Egon was finding it hard to keep his eyes open. Someone was snuggling up next to him on the couch, wrapping protective arms around his shoulders and telling him it would be alright. To his surprise Egon felt tears on his face and discovered they were his. How absurd. If it wasn't too much of an effort he would have laughed, but all the energy was draining from him. He felt gentle fingers take the burning joint from his lax fingers and someone kissed his forehead.

"Hey, Egon." Rays voice came persistent in his ear.

"Hmm?" he answered, on the very brink of sleep.

"Why haven't you and Peter ever gotten together? You two'd be great for each other." Ray was settling in against his side.

"Peter is a boy." Egon sniffed with disdain. "I only, I 'used' to, date men. Besides, we did kiss once." He tried to shift into a more comfortable position on the lounge, but was unsuccessful.

"What happened?"

"He said it was like kissing his mother. I concurred, although I have never tried to French kiss my Mother before."

Ray giggled and Egon smiled. He couldn't get comfortable, he suddenly realised, because Ray had something in his pocket digging into his side. He asked what it was and Ray brought it out.

"It's that photo we had taken at the Chess Club's picnic. Peter is in it, remember he was trying to hit on Mrs. Wesley?" He held up the photo and Egon lifted heavy eyelids to look at the blurred image. The three of them stood, arms around each other, making rabbit ears with their fingers behind each others heads. It had been a good day, he thought. A very good day.

"God, would you look at those hair styles!" Winston laughed, grabbing the photo from Ray's hand and holding it up to the light.

"Hey, Zed, don't laugh to hard there." Peter grinned at him, "Remember who's seen your family album, Mr. Afro."

Winston screwed up his nose at the reminder. He then purposefully turned his attention back to the photo. Ray had chosen it as their contribution to a charity raffle. It was being held for the guy's old Uni campus upgrade. It was interesting to see the other three Ghostbusters looking so young.

"Is that Egon? What the heck is he wearing?"

"Ah, that would be from his thankfully short lived 'gay' period." Peter answered dryly, sneaking a peek at Egon's response from the corner of his eye. /Damn, not a twitch. The guy is good!/

"Egon had a gay period?" Winston sounded...intrigued. Peter shot him a warning glare. He'd always had suspicions about Zed.

"Indeed I did." Egon admitted, coming over to look at the picture himself and grimacing. "Those pants were hell," he added, pointing at the pertinent outerwear and shifting in remembered discomfort.

"I like the two tone shoes." Winston smiled at him.

"You're all smoking like chimneys." Janine sniffed, poking her head around for a look. She'd eventually heard about Egon's 'gay' period from Peter, and his consequential vow to devote himself to science.

Venkman had said he felt he owed it to his 'little sister' to tell her about how it was. Hah, she wasn't blind. She knew what was really going on, Peter was warning her off! The bastard.

"We were quite the little factory chimneys back then." Peter agreed, smiling sweetly. He guessed which way Janine's thoughts had gone. Best to distract her immediately.

"Good thing your hypnotism trick worked," Zed commented, "or the job would have killed us by now. All that running up and down stairs, I need every bit of lung capacity for that kind of shit. Smoking was just one big drag."

The others groaned at his pun. They had lucked in with the hypnotism thing, it had worked when so many other things had failed. Even Janine had gone for it, eventually. Although she insisted on her sister being present for the actual hypnotism part. She knew Peter to well and didn't want to start barking like a dog every time a bus drove past like Winston had for a month. Venkman was a mean one to owe money to, that was a fact.

Ray reclaimed his photo from the others and put it in a padded envelope for mailing. "We sure did some stupid stuff back then, huh Egon. Remember those nights at the Chem lab?"

"What nights?" Peter demanded, his trouble meter pricking up as he eyed his friend sharply.

"Uh, you never went." Ray admitted, ignoring Egon's 'deny everything' command that he made using sign language. Egon rolled his eyes, hastily picked up the telescope lens that had arrived for him in the mail and made a hasty retreat.

"Just what went on at these 'Chem' lab nights, Ray?" Peter tried to snag the departing Spengler, but the taller man proved too fast for him. Deprived of one target, Peter instead lent in on Ray, fingers already crooked for any necessary pinching or tickling that he might have to perform to get him talking.

"Well," Ray gulped, suddenly realising his danger, "when you were out partying with your team after a big game me and Egon would sometimes go partying too. We would go to the lab and ah, join the other science geeks experimenting with recreational drugs. It was all strictly for science," he added piously, "and we had paramedic students who would rotate being on 'standby'. It was great. One time I thought I was a giant butterfly and Egon had to cocoon me."

"You were doing drugs!?" Peter's mouth fell open in total disbelief.

"Uh, looks like I have to go post this." Janine said, sidling towards the exit.

"I'll help!" Winston volunteered. They escaped, the sound of Venkman totally loosing his cool echoing out the firehouse door after them. They walked faster.

"You guy's really used to do drug's while I was gone?" Peter asked. Night had fallen and he'd eventually tracked Egon to the roof. Spengler had been fiddling with the new lens for his telescope, and hoping that Peter wouldn't find him.

"Yes, Peter, we did," he replied, putting his adjusting tool to one side and sitting down on the edge of a skylight. "Did you never think we'd be curious about drugs too?"

"Yeah...no! I mean..." Peter came and sat besides him. "I thought you guys were smarter than that."

"We did invite medical students to attend and the drugs we used were made in sterile surroundings to the most stringent standards." Egon informed him.

"You could have told me." Peter said softly, looking pensively at the roof's tarmac.

"No, I don't think we could. Ray and I didn't want to loose your respect and we thought that that might do it. It didn't last, we joined the group for barely one semester. We didn't take long to see the down side to drug usage, Peter. But we are both curious men and we wanted to experience the effects for ourselves."

"You were damned lucky." Peter ground out, clenching his fists angrily.

"We know. Some of our collogues were not as lucky, their experiments ended in addiction and that still haunts me. Did I encourage their drug taking by participating in it with them? I may have. Ray and I both stopped when we knew it was not a beneficial experience. We won't ever go back to it, Peter. I promise."

"You better not." Peter growled, then glanced up at his friend. Egon looked contrite, which was how Ray had looked when Peter had left him. Good thing, too. With a sigh he forgave his friends past indiscretions and focused instead on the here and now.

They ended up talking about the photo, what a great day it had been. That led to general reminiscing over their shared history, and what a great guy Peter had been back in the day. Ray and Egon hadn't been too shabby, either.

"Remember that time I kissed you? And we both said it was like kissing our mothers?" Peter grinned.

"Ah, yes. The kiss. Ray had high hopes we would get together, you know." Egon replied, remembering the episode fondly.

/Smart man, that Ray./ "Wanna give it another try?" Peter asked aloud, wriggling his eyebrows luridly. "Just, you know, for old times sake." Egon gave him an odd look, his eyes shuttered so Peter couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Hmm, very well. For old times sake." Egon eventually agreed and lent forwards to press his lips to Peter's.

Lightning struck. In one white hot moment New York City disappeared, Ghostbusters Central disappeared, the entire planet and attendant solar system disappeared - all that remained was Peter and Egon and the overwhelming need to be as close to each other as they could physically get. Within moments of their lips touching they were pressed so tightly against one another a strongman would have had trouble sliding a paper clip between them. They strove back and forth, wavering as if in a gale, eventually tumbling off their perch on the skylight and onto the roof's tarmac. Neither Ghostbuster noticed.

"So the two Weevil brothers go to the big city. One becomes a famous actor and the other goes home. Naturally he becomes known as the lesser of two Weevils!" Ray grinned evilly and Winston realised that he was going to regret starting the younger man on this punning run.

"Whoa, you're on a roll. Butter stop now, before we get in a pickle." Hell, he just couldn't stop himself, either. He was hunting around for more bread puns when there was a loud thud and they both looked upwards.

"Did you see that?" Winston asked, looking up at the skylight with surprise.

"Yeah." Grinned Ray. "Isn't it grape? They said they didn't have mushroom for any fungus but friendship, but I knew they lichen each other! There'll be no truffle in Paradise now, all it took was thyme!"

The sound of boisterous activity could be heard overhead and after awhile a pale set of buttocks pressed themselves against the skylight, a pair of long fingered hands resting on either side momentarily before disappearing from sight.

"Ray, are we having a flash back(side)?" Winston coughed into his hand, smirking like an idiot.

"Only if love is the drug of choice!" Ray grinned, causing the other man to cover his eyes and groan.

"Donut go there, m'man!" he cried. "Peter and Egon are forking on the roof, we're olive us gonna cop it when Janine rinds out!"

"But Winston," Ray gloated, "she'll be cherry peased for them! She'll barely carrot all that Egon chose Peter, she's scone to date Lewis!"

Bang, Bang, Bang - came from the roof, interrupting their repartee.

Augh...AAArgh!!! came the wail from above.

"Looks like Egon's gone mango-a-mango with Peter and fried his brain." Ray explained.

"He's harvested the fruit of Pete's loins alright." Winston agreed.

"Think they'd lettuce get away with apple-ause?" Ray smirked.

"It's turnip-ed out to bee quite a night." Ray giggled, wrapping his arms around his middle. "True love has suck-seeded and love has raisin again!" They both gave in and howled with laughter.

On top of the firehouse Egon and Peter curled lazily up together, blissfully unaware of the pun fest going on below. They wouldn't have minded missing out on the fun(gus). They where having a grape time on their own. Let's leaf them too it, they've dessert it! After all, they had fallen in loaf!