Secret writer's business.

Fire Frog's

Smoker Deterrents.

Friends that smoke, they love to come over to your house and
share their lung cancer with you. Bless them.

Even worse than that, they love to put their ugly cigarette butts out in your flower-pots. This habit multiplies at parties to the point where you can be mistakenly thought to have replaced your mossy mulch with filtertips.

You can place ash-trays out, but this only encourages the buggers, as they go on to find more and more obscure places to ash their butt's.

On the ground, a rain of tar-ee bodies await your broom the next day. But don't forget to clean out the dog bowl, the fish-pond and back of the baby's carriage.

During any party keep an eye on your drink, ciggies in a coke can are common place, but even wine glasses and cut crystal champagne floats are not immune to abuse.

My best deterrent for this hideous conduct is to knock a smoker unconscious pre party and hang them by a toe over the item most likely to be abused. This sends a clear message to other smokers that the behaviour is not encouraged.

Unfortunately this is not practical. You so seldom have a weight bearing beam directly over the spot you want to hang them by. Ah well.

My second suggestion is the use of these little posters. Stuck in the correct spots (over ashtrays, in pot-plants etc) they have been known to make the smoker

a) take pause and use the ashtray/sand filled bucket provided,
b) get offended and leave.

Either way, your problems are solved.

Smoking causes bush fires.

Warning, smoking causes insane rage in non smokers.

No and's, iff's or butts
allowed here!

Smoking is bad for your health.

 I love the smell of smokers burning in their beds in the morning, don't you?

My face and your butt -
they are a match!
Stick it here

Smoking causes a lingering odour.

Hey You!
Butt Out!

Smoke faster, kill yourself before your second hand smoke gets a chance to kill others.

Smoking cures old age.

Hey you, smoking kills the ones you love.

Hey You!
Butt Out here!

Guys like girls who smoke. It proves they are willing to hurt their bodies to please others.

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